The Ten Apple Commandments

With the pending announcment of the Apple Tablet--the worst-kept secret in computing--shouldn't we expect a gray-templed Steve Jobs to descend from the mountain to deliver a new Ten Commandments? Here's what they might look like.

1. I am Apple, your Lord and God. You shall have none other than iPods before me. You shall not misrepresent the brand or fashion false representations of the brand. Unless it’s a really cool Touch commercial that we really should have thought of first and then we’ll take it.

2. You shall not take the OS’s name in vain; “Snow Leopard” is a fine name for an OS, thank you.

3. Remember the Time Machine and keep it running at all times.

4. Honor your father and your mother; after all, they humored you when you begged for an Apple II for Christmas to play Cranston Manor back in ’82.

5. You shall not jailbreak.

6. You shall not port unauthorized Windows applications to a shell OS.

7. You shall not violate DRM without first paying extra in iTunes.

8. You shall not tell your neighbor that your unibody MacBookPro still has the open Apple logo on the Command key.

9. You shall not connect your AirPort to your neighbor’s wireless network.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s 3GS iPhone; we’ll be introducing the next version soon enough and he won’t get a subsidized price like you will anyway.