California goes about five steps too far

If you've got a TV, and watch network programming, you've probably seen the commercials from the California Milk Advisory Board about happy cows. They range from simply insipid to outright insulting, but all make the claim that happy California produces happier cows, and thus better cheese.

I could go on and on about how this just doesn't stand up to logic or history, but it would sound like homerism from a proud Wisconsinite. But I will tell you about this latest campaign, which I only learned about today.
On Monday, four national 30-second TV commercials kicked off a year-long campaign, inviting consumers to go online to choose the latest California Happy Cow from 10 wannabe spunky bovines around the world. The first featured "contestants" are teenage Alica, "from a town you've like never heard of"; Cajun Jenn, from the Louisiana bayou, trying to escape her stage mom's overpowering presence; Shelby Fogbottom, who dreams of leaving a foggy British farm behind; and frigid Kirsten from, well, someplace cold.

This is the "Kirsten" spot, which I'm only linking because it won't drive traffic to the CMAB site:



I'm sorry, but that goes beyond "insipid" and "insulting," and races headlong into "downright mean-spirited." If only "mean-spirited" would suffice for the generally stereotypical British cow, or the culturally stereotypical Jenn. Nevermind the apparently forthcoming "Destynee," who appears to be a blend of multiple irritating stereotypes of urbanity.

The website's idle audio track even makes the claim that California cows don't even have to be milked to make cheese. Now, that's just fascinating. Are we sure they're making cheese over there?