Project Runway: What a drag it is being bold

This would have been a friggin' hilarious episode from the very start, had Bravo not given the meat of this episode away in previews (so to speak). It was still pretty enjoyable, but I have to say that Bravo's bridge-burning MO--snarkily charming at first--sucks hard.

If any one of us thought that Chris March wouldn't be back on the boob tube, shame on you. He's another one of those genuine characters, full of personality and TV appeal. Oh, and he's got tremendous knockers.

Balancing his Brunhilde helmet mighty precariously, Chris tells the designers about the drag queen nature of this challenge, and Terri confidently exclaims that she's been waiting for this challenge. Um, why? Don't tell me Bravo told the designers about each challenge before the season rolled.

Heidi, looking about as out of place as she possibly could, had the ladeez roll out onto the runway for pairing off. Keith picked Sherry Vine. Daniel chose Anita Greenkard ("with a K"). Blayne went--appropriately--with Miss Understood. Kenley selected Farrah Moans. Joe paired up with Varla Jean Merman. Korto took Sweetie. Suede teamed with the disarmingly pretty Hedda Lettuce. Leanne took the prize for most cognitive dissonance, and Sharon Needles. Jerell takes LeMay. Terri seemed perfect for the frighteningly tall and harsh Acid Betty. That left Stella and Luisa Verde, but everyone seemed happy.

With immunity on the line, the designers will have to make a look that maintains the queens' personae, and stay under $200. How expensive are sequins, anyway? Plus, they'll get two days to go completely balls-out (so to speak). At the end, the looks will be auctioned off for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. The designers have all the motivation they could ever want to just go apeshit.

Some designers, though, just seem destined to fail from the beginning. Poor Joe...he bemoaned the queens in a previous episode, and now there's twice as many! Plus, he's going into this challenge thinking about what his daughters might wear. Joe! Get a parenting book! You're off the rails!

The usual stuff happens. Designers go to Mood. Kenley announces she's going for an "old Hollywood" look. We see a shot of the Elle cover (hey, it's Jessica Alba now! No more Olsen sister! Yay!). And Blayne irritates the fuck out of everyone by having a liciousgasm all over the workroom. Leanne quips, "Even 'licious' is licious." Guh. We're with you, Leanne. Wait, am I starting to like her?

Mixed signals start coming in hot and heavy at this point (so to speak). Jerell and Suede get the sentimentality treatment (Suede even gets a visit from his Ghost Grandpa!), while Joe, Suede and Keith appear to be flailing. When the ladies come in as dudes for their fitting (Blayne seems amazed that there's 'dude' under there...what a dingus), Lettuce starts busting Suede's balls (or is it vajayjay?). Suede digs in Suede's heels.

Tim comes back with Big Chris in tow, and Chris is given the pleasure of delivering commentary. Blayne's look is as ridiculous as Tim's commentary paints it. Joe, after a very positive feedback session with Varla, appears to have rebounded into contender status; Chris loves it, and thinks Varla will too. Tim busts out the bitch in soothing Suede's ego (Suede has an ego?), telling him quietly and firmly, "You can tell her that you've been to a different rodeo, and don’t you-know-what with me, sister." Daniel, finding yet another cultural phenomenon of which he has exactly zero understanding, is obstinate once again.

I wonder if we're being set up for Stella missing a runway show or something because of her inability to wake up on time. I also wonder if drag queens even need any further hair and makeup work. But oh, you drag queens, you do love the camera. Even RuPaul, who (don't tell anyone I said this) is showing her age. Allow me to give you my somewhat deer-in-the-headlights runway thoughts.
  • Kenley: Nice feather work (although I'd like to slap her feather right off her damn head), seams are iffy.
  • Blayne: Worried about it looking shoddy? Well, it probably is shoddy. Certainly full of bad ideas.
  • Joe: Solid. Good construction, good fit.
  • Stella: Doesn't quite seem to fit the persona.
  • Suede: Decent, but monochromatic in a bad way (unlike Joe's).
  • Daniel: This is not a drag queen dress. Period.
  • Terri: God strike me down if she ever holds back. This is an ass-kicker.
  • Jerell: Something's not right. Not loud enough. Not classic enough for the persona.
  • Korto: The flames up top are well done, but is it possible for a drag queen dress to be too short? Maybe I just want it to be shorter.
  • Keith: More strips and shreds? Not so much.
  • Leanne: Well-built. Safe.

Daniel, Joe, Terri, Jerell, Korto and Keith will be judged. The rest are safe. Snap judgment: Daniel, Jerell and Keith are the bottom 3. Any of the top three could ostensibly win it. Only Jerell seems safe from the bottom.

The judges generally agree. Terri's kabuki-esque look is powerful, dramatic, and exciting. Michael wants the boots. RuPaul lauds Joe's look for doing everything a good drag queen outfit should do, including hiding "the candy." For being so ill at ease with the aesthetic, Korto made a look that walked well, gave the queen a "Heidi Klum body," and the judges found it obvious that Korto did in fact have fun with this challenge. Korto? Fun? It's about time the two were introduced.

Keith defends his scrappy crappy thing, and RuPaul busts out a mysterious Aussie accent thing in chiding him. I didn't get it--help? Anyway, Jerell's look is too normal, too long, too boring. Very un-Jerell. And then there's Daniel. Daniel, who complains--out loud--that sequins and feathers would have been too gaudy.

Honestly, there's no real question as to who's going home. The title of this recap actually hinted at it. David, who looks like he's about to fall asleep weeping, couldn't be less excited by cutting edge fashion. And I'm happy to say that, once the names were read off, I picked the winners and losers exactly. Superfecta!

So Terri's safe, again. When Joe takes the prize for his pink sailor suit (Nina calls the candy-hiding belt a "true lifesaver"), Terri looks pissed at not winning, again. Korto's in, in what had to be a very close second place vote. Jerell's in, simply because Keith and Daniel were just too bad to be that safe.

And finally, the coup de grace--Daniel is sent packing (so to speak). THANK YOU TRANNY JESUS. Keith is surprisingly broken up about it, and that's saying something for this moist-eyed buncha drama, well, queens. So to speak.

Looks like next week we get the long cool woman in a black empire-waisted dress, Laura, to guest judge what--to my eyes--appears to be a car scrap challenge. Project Runway: Beyond Thunderdome! VIGILANCE.